What to do with them is another story...... - Surya Devi
This is the space in which we find ourselves judging, backbiting, hating, deceiving, dishonoring, fault finding, where the dark clouds make the light seem so far away. The dark side is so enticing and captivating that we forget the light rays and all the beauty it filtrates and penetrates. It reveals the conditions of our wombs. And when you find it so easily in others, remember that in its dark waters is a reflection of you. It's Lilith, the biting dark serpent moon inside.
We have spent so much time trying to be good, trying to please others, trying to adhere to standards created outside of that of our soul's' code. We ignore our own inner sensations that want to take us someplace else. We spend so much time denying and avoiding the darkness of our being but it still takes us or sometimes calls us as it drags us into the opening of its abyss. Once we get there and begin to realize where we are, we then get a call that prevents or stops us from going any further. We become uncomfortable with the change or inner scene and we immediately want to return to the familiar. Yet a curious child will wander back to a place that is fascinating with wonders in its eyes and a spirit of infinity. But in order for the child to stop going back, stop drifting into the beyond, it must be prevented from traveling there so it becomes distracted by substances such as food, medication, drugs or some other form of addiction or mass hypnosis such as cyberspace, technology, glamour, the glitter and gold, useless or empty sex and mind control.
We become lost and powerless to our own nature. We become enemies to our own dark selves and fuel the ongoing war that doesn't have to be. We have not been taught, nor do we have models that show us how to deal with the dark forces, how to handle the emotional residues that come up in our relationships that are reflective of the divine feminine. Those women who are constantly at war with each other only stunt the growth of others and destroy the earth's sacredness. We are the mothers of creation!
Sistahs have learned how to deal with the deeply held unpleasant feelings by running away from them, by avoiding them all together. It's a hush, hush thing or secretly talking behind the scenes; pointing fingers to one another or blaming each other. Other times we get caught up in hate-ville and jealousy eats away at our soul. Things can take off on a good note, doses of laughter are sprinkled, secrets are revealed and thoughts are shared and intimacy of a feminine kind is initiated. Then as soon as we stumble across the dark that is in the light, the dark that is in each other, we quickly forget the light, we then forget all the beautiful qualities of each other, we then forget what we received from each other and we loose the gifts we received in the process. We don't consume the dark, instead we become consumed by it, forgetting to find the light that dwells within it. We only now lack the skills to dance with the darkness and to honor its rightful place. We know how to go there or get there but we don't know its beauty, its wisdom. its incredible sweetness. And how would we, when we were programmed to fear the dark? We are scared shit-less of what would happen if we stumble across the light on the the side. Perhaps we'd become hooked on the seductive realm, and then we'd have to truly give up power and be taken by it. But once you get a whiff of it then you always want to return for more. And this is so because we are heartless and soulless for the most part; there is an impoverishment to our starving dark souls and dark spirits! We've been feeding it the wrong types of foods, foods of lesser quality rather than nourishing, nutritional, live foods! The dark needs to be healthy!
Ok! So what's all this thing about darkness, you say! Well, today I need to take it further and move it beyond the surface, underneath the shaggy rug we rest it on and plunge deep into its roots. What all this darkness is all about is, "feelings"! Yes FEEEEEELINGS! Nothing more than feeeeeeelings! We are not so crafty and sharp at dealing with our f-e-e-l-i-n-g-s. You wonder why? Do you if consider why those variety of sensations that arise from the deep deep darkness and depths of your body, those which arise from your body which plunges into the depths of the earth; those which find you from the depths of the earth and those sensational currents who's source lay deeply entwined within the depths of the soul of the universe.... ever wonder why they have often been dismissed, avoided, ignored, suppressed, depressed, locked down since you can remember being a child and your mother told you to shut up and stop crying otherwise she'd give you something to cry for? Shiiiit!! That in itself if fu@king confusing. No wonder why we are not good at dealing with, being in and allowing our f-e-e-l-i-n-g-s. We are discouraged from doing so.
But feelings do not magically disappear!! Never! They are pure energy in some etheric carving and energetic density and form. You can literally feel jealousy or envy when it is near or far. You can literally feel the sexual vibrations emit from another person's sexual center to yours. It is what activates the juices that drip down a woman's vulva and into the seat of her panties and the surge of current that moves a man's penis to immediate hardness. That's a bit of what feelings are. Would you like some more? Okay, what about those lingering sensations you feel from another person - be it someone you work with or your partner- when they are holding back something, When there are unspoken words? Those are feelings, they are intuitive in nature but nonetheless they are sensations that move within your body and energy field. Here's another one, what about those really uncomfortable sensations that arose in you when someone slam dunked into your eardrums - a truth that resonated so vibrantly in you that it slapped you across the face while saying to you "Wake the hell up!" You know and feel its truth, but you resist it because it partnered with shame, opened up a window and blew itself right in. Or the lava that begins to melt inside of you when someone you are going to "learn to love" looks you in the eyes and says, "Just listen to what I have to say and don't say a word." And suddenly that person says, "I love you!" And he does it and says i bodily and in a way that slips you deep into his love and you forget about the promise you made to say nothing because those tingling, soft, fireworks begin to explode inside of you while the inner volcano erupts through the opening of your already wet lips.
It's all about FEELINGS!! But sadly we deny them, disown them, try to get rid of them, dismiss them, send them on permanent vacations; we stuff them, hide them so far away from ourselves that we forget were we put them. However, feelings are like air in water, they must sooner or later surface to the top like bubbles -which are sacks of air in water - seeking to diffuse and fuse with one, longing to become one with the vast oceanic universe of its greater self.Feelings are currency of energies that seek an outlet, that longs to leave the small rivers of the body and move into the greater seas outside of the physical domain; Feelings are messengers from inner space, seeking to deliver is contents; Feelings are transmission frequencies of the heart's radio looking for its polarity so that it can spark. It is the inner movement you feel when you abuse your body and keep giving it things it doesn't need - your feelings do tell you, they warn you.... but you ignore them and stuff them down further. Yet they are still your feelings! Gotta own them!
So since feelings are essentially shapes and sizes of energy based forms, and a direct result of some stimulation that occurs with the help of some external influences or from its own internal dance, then to be alive is to keep them moving, to be fused with them, to honor and respect them as an element of yourself. Since we are energy -primarily, then feelings must be primary in our lives. They are the power behind an idea created and they are the fire that fuels the thoughts of the mind. The mind alone can not create anything. It needs the energy of feelings to bring it into manifestation. That is the real SECRET!
The breath is the prime facilitator of feelings. You can't feel deeply and clearly if you are not breathing. To stop breathing or to breathe shallow is to stop or restrict the flow of feelings and how they play out in your body and to your awareness. Stretching is powerful in moving feelings because when you stretch you give the breath more space to move into and to reach those hideouts in your body that you secretly keep your feelings locked, safe and stored. Or so you think! The body is the container, the cabin of feelings. Feelings and the body must work and play hand in hand. This means that when your body is all whacked, tensed and entangled so are your feelings trapped deep inside. You find yourself a prisoner of your feelings while your feelings are prisoners of your body.
Women, the physical manifestation of the divine feminine, store more emotions. I repeat, WOMEN STORE MORE EMOTIONS! We carry more emotions within us because of our primary yin state. This does not necessarily mean that we are more emotional then men. I don't believe that as true. Women and men are equally emotional creatures, we just give and receive differently, process them in variations and we sometimes express them differently. And men certainly act out and express their more than women do. Because we are more carriers of the feelings virus then we need to learn how to cultivate healthy feelings so that they become a beautiful bountiful harvest. And we need to practice expressing them through other healthier and beneficial outlets other than turning on ourselves and each other.
We need to practice differentiating between the feelings waves that rise up inside of you and the individual(s) that may be present or in front of you. We get caught up in the destructive patterns of blaming the other, describing the other yet we are really trying to describe ourselves. We would reap more benefits from being in your feelings at any given time they arise, learning how to state HOW YOU FEEL rather than your same old story of what happened and what didn't. We can raise our higher womb consciousness when we begin to use the language of feelings to communicate; when we communicate in the feelings tense. We are often asked through verbal contact or letters or notes, How are you FEELING? How come we never truly respond? And how come that is such a common greeting? Next time you are asked that take it as an opportunity to pause and really be with your feelings and come to the awareness of what they are at that moment. Often times we are not sure of how we are feeling in a given time or space. We can't find the words to articulate. Don't despair, don't even try to articulate, just radiate.
And next time you get into a inner struggle with an outer person, place or thing, stop and check within to see HOW YOU ARE FEELING! And of course at a particular time check to see how the sensations are moving inside when someone does something or says something that evokes feelings like a cobra dancing to the sound and image of the flute. Can you look the feelings in the eye like the cobra that dances? And can you dance its dance?
Be still and know that - even in that darkness - I am GOD/GODDESS!
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